Hmm, it's amazing what variations of google search queries can result in if you stick with it
these links have been wonderfully helpful answering these questions, at least some of them.
Calculating Feeds and Speeds - CNC Router Shop
Feed Rate Calculator
Also a particularly interesting one, where people are asking almost the same thing as me
Note, this thread was mainly about 1/4" bits. mine is a 1/8" so I assume this means different settings, to avoid shearing.
Cutting Birch and have Speed questions - Let's Talk ShopBot
Great stuff, but I am still looking for input from the people here