Re- spindle, think your going to struggle to find a quite and light weight spindle with out building your own. I have the super quiet water cooled spindle but it's very heavy.
Depending on your access to equipment (lathe etc) then I would think about making your own using a ER collet spindle shaft and RC DC motor, there are few post's kicking around who have done the same.
Re- cooling, Air is your best bet for cooling without the fumes, I only cut ali with my machine and use air to do most of the cooling and chip clearing. Obviuosly then you'll have the noise of a compressor but there are some really quite ones about if you look. Using a mister can be even more fumey than just squirting WD etc.?
Where abouts in the country are you located, if you go the building your own route I have a lathe and maybe could help.?