Something I was working on when 22

[Hobbiest]

THE PSYCHOPATHIC RANTS OF AN OTHERWISE SANE,
WORKING CLASS AMERICAN MAN

Why is it, that the harder you work at life, the harder it gets!?

Why does it seem, that the harder you work at getting your finances in order, the more they are in disarray? Maybe that is just me.

I think it is a law of nature, that whenever you mail a bill, a new one comes to take its place.

If you have two or more kids, there is always one awake whenever you want to do something.

Why does an idea always sound better, when it is still just in your head?

The more time I spend with my kids, the more they remind me of myself. Is that good, or bad?

Whenever you have something really important to tell someone, they are always on the other line, too busy, in the bathroom, running to the bathroom, washing their hair, making dinner, can’t miss this part of the show, or otherwise too enthraled with what they’re doing, to make time for you...especially if they are a “friend”.

Speaking of friends, why are people in this world so afraid of making new friendships?

Why can’t everyone feel comfortable conversing with a complete stranger?

Why is it, that no matter how much I actually love my family, I still wonder what life would be like if I were by myself?

I love being with other people, but can’t stand being around them.

Why can’t I write this, without my wife bugging me?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No matter how good people say my cooking is, I still don’t believe them.

Why don’t supervisors ever know how the company should be run?

Why do “the poor stay poor, and the rich get rich”?

Why do other people think that they “know what your going through”.

How is it that some people really have been there and done that?

I hate it, when someone asks my advice because I have been there, and then they don’t take it and get just as messed up as I did!

Every time I really get into something for myself, I have to stop to do something for someone else.

The more I try to stay out of trouble, the more trouble I get into!

Why is a compliment so often followed by a “but”?

Why do you have to have a degree in something, before someone will believe that you know it?

Why is it that “everyone deserves to live in a beautiful place”? Shouldn’t some people have to fill in the ugly areas?

More people should realize, that if they are nicer, they would have more friends.

Why are the nice people, most often least popular?

Girls love bad boys, but hate being with them. If you bounce around from horrible guy, to horrible guy, maybe you should look for different “signs”.

Yes, you!

Guys realize that girls go for bad boys, but most just can’t be one...it takes a lot of work to be an ass!

Why is it, that good food tastes bad, and bad food tastes good?

Okay, maybe not always.

Why do Grandfathers always say, “Eat it, it’ll put hair on your chest!”, even to little girls?

What makes hair on your chest so important?

Men don’t shave, and women say its sexy but think its gross.

Women don’t shave, and they say its “European”.

If you want to be “European”, walk around downtown without a shirt on!

I walked into a business, and a note on the door said, “No pets”, while one underneath it said, “No dogs”. Am I the confused one here?

If I were to go into McDonalds without any pants or underwear on, would they kick me out? The sign doesn’t say anything about “No pants no service”.

My wife bites me, and she calls it love. I look at her cross-eyed, and she calls me an *******!

Just because I don’t know what menstruation feels like, I am unsympathetic.

If I roll over, she tries to make me feel better. If she rolls over, I roll over. Whether or not I feel bad, she yells at me.

Why does my family think that dreams are a bad thing?

Rich people, should try to help poor people get rich.

Rich people often keep poor people poor, poor people sometimes try to make rich people poor, by making themselves rich (Did that make sense?).

If my wife gets mad at me, its okay. If I get mad at her, she gets mad at me!

How does a Thanksgiving conversation get from “These mashed potatoes are good,” to “Oh your father? He was a minute man.”?

Why do I tell myself every year, that Christmas is too commercialized, and then wish I had some rich uncle who is soft in the head?

Why does a painters house need paint?

“I know that it can be done, but have you ever done it?” Slip this one in whenever possible

The best intentions, yield the worst results. The best results, come from adverse intentions.

Whenever I really need something, I can’t find it. Once I don’t need it, its right where I left it.

Why is the right way, so much work?

Why doesn’t my thinking cap fit like it used to?

When you’re in kindergarten, you have to take a nap and don’t want to. When you’re in high school, you want to take a nap, but they won’t let you.

People don’t realize, that you should distance yourself from the microphone when you scream.

Why don’t more people have table manners?

When you’re a newborn, you have no hair, no teeth, and wear diapers. When you get old, you have no hair, no teeth, and wear diapers.

If Grandpa’s said, “Eat it, it’ll put hair on your head,” This country would have a lot more healthy forty-somethings.

What do you think? A best seller?

[turmite]

Excellent post Hobbiest! That made me realize I am not the only sane person in the world!

Here's a quote from a friend of mine:

"I know you think you heard what you thought I said but I am not sure that what you thought you heard was what I really said."


Mike