understanding engineers

[daleman]

Understanding Engineers - One
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, Minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'" The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."

Understanding Engineers - Two

To the optimist, the glass is half-full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him.". He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?". The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. Then the priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers - Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers - Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him And said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." The Engineer bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned It to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

[Shotout]

A timely and much needed laugh!

[InspirationTool]

Understanding Engineers - Nine

Four engineers are in a car on the highway... The car stops running and the mechanical engineer driving it pulls over to the side of the road.

The mechanical engineer says... "The crankshaft must be broken, we are going to need to weld it back together"

The chemical engineer in the passenger seat says "No, there must be the wrong mixture of gas and air, we will need to adjust the carburator".

The electrical engineer in the back left says "No, the wires have pulled off the spark plugs, we are going to need to reconnect the wires."

The software engineer in the back right says "Uh guys? Why don't we get out of the car and then get back in to the car and see if it runs then?"

-Jeff

[InspirationTool]

Understanding Engineers - Ten

One day, at the ripe age of 100, an engineer dies peacefully in his sleep.

He arrives at the pearly gates, and goes up to St. Peter. He says... "Hi! My name is Joe Smith... I'd like to get into Heaven please...."

St. Peter says... "Sorry, your name isn't on the list for today..."

Joe says "But I've been a good man my whole life!"

St. Peter says "Sorry, you aren't on the list..." and pushes a button, the clouds open, and Joe the engineer falls into Hell.

Joe lands in Hell and looks around, and thinks to himself, "Damn! It is hot here! I better build an air conditioner!" And so he does....

And after that, he decides to build a flush toilet. The Devil finds out about Joe's skills... and asks him if he could install cable TV.

God hears about this, and yells down to the Devil... "Hey! You aren't supposed to have air conditioning! Where did you get an engineer?"

The Devil responds... "St. Peter sent him down to me one day... pretty soon I'm going to have him build me a Nintendo."

God says "Look, Devil, you know the rules as well as I do... ALL engineers go to heaven."

The Devil responds.. "Hey, the screw up was on your end, not mine. Besides, there's nothing you can do about it. He's my engineer now."

God says "What am I going to do about it? Well, I'll SUE you!"

The Devil responds... "now where are YOU going to come up with a lawyer?"



-Jeff

[diarmaid]

lol. All excellent. I like number 3 best. Hope that doesn't make me a bad person!

[rhino]

ha! ha! ha! well done guys, you know how to put a smile on a mans face after a hard day at work.

[unterhaus]

I told the engineering students the golf joke. They all agreed that it would be good if the blind firemen played at night.

[ViperTX]

They, were really cute jokes...and I'm an Electrical Engineer...

[Netjams]

HA.. that was all funny!