In the spirit of the lame jokes found in those "Bon Bon's" or Christmas crackers whatever you call them I thought I'd start a thread with slightly better jokes but in keeping with the "silly season"

And to kick it off...

Did you hear the one about the dyslexic devil worshipper ?...

He sold his soul to Santa.

OK... NEXT!!

Russell.

Here is one for all seasons:

Q = Who is the most popular guy in the nudist camp?

A = The guy that can carry 2 hot cups of coffee, & a dozen donuts.






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LOL My wife didnt catch on.. Thought Id might have to show her :rainfro:
Lol
Thats good
Steve


Here is one for all seasons:

Q = Who is the most popular guy in the nudist camp?

A = The guy that can carry 2 hot cups of coffee, & a dozen donuts.






.

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?


Because he had low Elf Esteem!

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

“In honour of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle “, he said.

“You may pass through the pearly gates”, Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”

Saint Peter said, “you may pass through the pearly gates”.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”

The man replied, “These are Carols.”

And So The Holiday Season Begins….

One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean.

It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, how about playing Weeweechu."

"Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Jung Lee.

"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Huan Cho begged.

"But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."

"Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me."

Jung Lee looked at Huan Cho and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu.".... coz I can see how much u love me.
.
.
.

Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and they both sang....



"Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,

Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,

Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas,

and a happy New Year."

LOL Thats good.

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for is annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree...

--
"If you give a man a fire, you can keep him warm for a night, but set that man on fire and you can keep him warm for the rest of his life"

A Redneck Christmas Joke

A salesman was traveling through a small Southern town which featured an extravagant "Nativity Scene". It was apparent that a lot of skill and talent had gone into creating it. There was one small feature that bothered the salesman enough to make him stop to get a better look. Inexplicably, the three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason for the helmets, the salesman shook his head and continued down the road.

Running low on gas, the man refueled at a "Quick Stop" on the edge of town. When he finished paying for his purchases he asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded in a rage, yelling at the poor guy, "You Yankees never do read the Bible!" The salesman assured her that he did, but simply couldn't recall reading anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in right in the guys face, she said in her native Southern drawl, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar.'"

"See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar.'"[/QUOTE]

27910 I don't get it.

You mean I had it wrong all this time? :D

afar (a fire) ;)

Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

A: SNOWBALLS

afar (a fire) ;)

I was joking. I am from Texas, after all.:)

Speaking of the wisemen.
There really was four wisemen,
One was shunned and sent away.
All he had was fruitcake.

Have a happy, Walt

Speaking of the wisemen.
There really was four wisemen,
One was shunned and sent away.
All he had was fruitcake.

Have a happy, Walt

No, Walt, you're wrong. That fourth guy was just the man the 3 wise men brought along to clean up after the camels. Fruitcake is another name for a hard brown lump filled with undigested and undigestable dates, figs, and nuts. Where did you think fruitcake came from? It wasn't until many centuries later that someone else found out that if they doused the 'fruitcake' in alchohol they could actually get some fools to eat it. I tried fruitcake, ONCE, and it still tasted like camel dung to me. Yech!

Well, anyway, that's the story of the origin of the fruitcake. Just remember, one of your friends who's pretending to be something they're not will wind up giving you a 'crappy' gift. ;) Don't be the one to regift (http://www.wordspy.com/words/regift.asp) the unpalatable lump, be a truly wise man (or woman) and dispose of it properly at one of your local hazardous waste dumps. DO NOT place the fruitcake in your local communities recycling bins (see bottom of attached recycling tip flyer compliments of the Toronto Works & Emergency Services). Instead, why not try one of the Fruitcake Recycling Tips listed below. (Hmmm, by definition, isn't fruitcake already recycled?)

Fruitcake Recycling Tip #1: A fruitcake with a high alchohol content can be used in place of the traditional Yule Log (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yule_log).

Fruitcake Recycling Tip #2: Fruitcake makes an excellent doorstop or paperweight.

Fruitcake Recycling Tip #3: Fruitcake(s) make excellent wheel chocks.

Fruitcake question of the season: Why is it that we don't see more corn in fruitcake?

HayTay,
I have studied your response to the three or four wisemen.
After careful consideration, I stand corrected. Your answer
makes much more sense than just carrying fruitcake. You have
totally went right to the source.
I just sampled some of the last fruitcake we recieved and we
can concur the origin is much closer to what you said than we
would like to admit.
Wishing everyone a great Holiday Season.
Walt.

27934

Thanks HayTay, that makes so much more sense now. I concur with you on the origin of fruitcake as well, though it takes more than mere alcohol to make me eat it.

Thanks HayTay, that makes so much more sense now. I concur with you on the origin of fruitcake as well, though it takes more than mere alcohol to make me eat it.

massajamesb,

You, my friend, are truly a wise man!

What do elves learn in school?
The Elf-abet!

What do you call a person who is scared of Santa?
Claus-trophobic!

And since christmas is over...

What is E.T. short for ?
Because he has little legs.


Russell.

Thanks to all you who have sampled fruitcake and camel dung and can vertify it's authenticity....it'll save the rest of us that odious task...*chuckle*